It’s been a rocky couple of months for Democrats. After suffering through a government shutdown orchestrated by wing-nutsack Ted Cruz and the baleful John Boehner, Republicans embarked on a wild ride of ObamaCare bashing, Benghazi hoaxes, and all around crackpottery of the highest odor. So just in the nick of time the uber-rightist news aggregator, Townhall, has excreted a blast of crapola with the deranged headline, “8 Reasons The Republican Party Has A Bright Future.” Now, there could actually be some plausible reasons for Republicans to be throwing a Mad Tea Party, but the ones itemized in this article are uproariously funny.
1) We have the most potent grassroots movement in politics:
Their very first reason for jumping for joy cites their ownership of the Tea Party. If that is representative of the GOP’s bright future, then they can throw away their sunglasses. The Tea Party has been steadily losing support since their debut. Their “very unfavorable” numbers have tripled since 2010, and they currently can brag about an approval rating of 30%, an all-time low. That’s about the same as the Republican Party itself. And we’re just getting started.
2) 2010 was the GOP’s best year since 1948:
Recognizing a sixty-five year slump hardly seems like a good place to start a celebration. Especially when the only thing that Republicans have to look forward to is looking back fondly on the anomaly of an off-year election where low turnout and corrupt gerrymandering helped them to temporarily win control of the House. Even so, somehow they have erased from their simple minds the 2012 election where they lost to a gay, socialist, Muslim from Kenya, for the second time. And they also lost eight of the House seats, and two in the Senate, that they won two years earlier in their much ballyhooed best year in six decades.
3) We should control the House at least until the next census:
The article makes this assertion without providing any evidence to back it up. It is, at best, wishful thinking. They also seem to think that the past three years of having accomplished nothing more than 47 failed attempts to repeal ObamaCare amounts to “control” of the House. The truth is that, after being handed the reigns of power, they demonstrated their pitiful incompetence and a unique inability to govern. In addition, the article admits that their current majority is the result of gerrymandering, and that their primary legislative goal is to “slam the brakes on government.” However, most polls show that Democrats are in a better position than ever to retake the House in 2014, and last month’s government shutdown helps them toward that goal immensely.
4) The party is thriving on the state level:
They may have a point here. Republicans have concentrated fiercely on state politics for the past few years. Their financiers, including the Koch brothers, have devoted hundreds of millions of dollars to local races in order to hijack state governments for the purpose of suppressing votes, subjugating women, and subverting democracy through partisan redistricting. But Republican governors are still amongst the most reviled office-holders with characters like Rick Scott (FL), John Kasich (OH), and Rick Perry (TX), competing for Biggest Boob in America.
5) Our numbers with minorities are only going to go up:
Huh? Perhaps they didn’t finish that sentence and meant to say their numbers are going to go up in flames. After the 2012 election the GOP conducted what they themselves called an “autopsy,” in which they confessed to having no noticeable support from African-Americans or Latinos. So they set about to remedy that situation by passing laws aimed at keeping them from voting, by snubbing them by refusing to attend the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, and by opposing any immigration reform that might treat them with respect. The article makes the racially insulting and absurd statement that “White Americans tend to vote Republican.” But the actual election results don’t concur. Obama won 40% of the white vote in 2012, which is more than Clinton did in 1992. It isn’t that whites vote Republican, it’s that Republicans are almost all white. Those are two very different things.
6) Short Term: Obamacare means a strong 2014:
So this is what the GOP is hanging their asshats on? To be sure, if things with ObamaCare go as badly in the next year as they have for the past month, Democrats will have a tough time of it. But if the ObamaCare website is fixed, and people like having access to affordable, quality health care, Republicans are going to be punished severely for opposing it. Remember, Social Security and Medicare also encountered resistance in the beginning.
7) Barack Obama gives us a medium term opening:
The crux of this reason for Republicans to cheer is their contention that Obama is “the single worst President in American history.” The article regurgitates just about every assault on the President that was lobbed during the 2012 election. Remind me again, who won that one? Additionally, Obama has lead a recovery from his predecessor’s economic debacle that has seen the stock market soar to all-time highs, businesses reporting record profits, and the only reason the economy isn’t producing more jobs is because the GOP has blocked every attempt to create them, even through infrastructure development that is critically necessary anyway. Then the GOP harangues the victims of their policies as lazy moochers, and moves to cut food stamps. If Obama is giving Republicans an opening, Republicans seem to be scurrying to fill it in with fresh dirt.
8) Long term, the ground is very unfavorable to the Democrats:
Once again, the article has no certifiable facts to support this argument. They quote Grover Norquist and Margaret Thatcher as if they are popular contemporaries whose ultra-conservative rantings are shaping the modern political landscape. Funny…they didn’t mention Ronald Reagan. They also didn’t mention that in 2016 Republicans will be defending 24 senate seats versus only 10 for Democrats. In 2014 the GOP is already setting up their next roster of Todd Akins and Christine O’Donnells. And the way the Tea Party is imploding, Nancy Pelosi will probably be returning to the speakership before too long.
Perhaps the funniest thing about the article is the photo that accompanied it. You really have to wonder whose great idea it was to feature a picture of John Boehner atop an article heralding the GOP’s bright future. But in their defense, who else would they use? Rand Paul? Ted Cruz? Sarah Palin? Or maybe the vulgar Jersey philistine, Chris Christie? Oh yeah, Republicans have nothing but blue skies ahead.